pathologic tak semangatness

June 18, 2008 at 4:42 pm (Uncategorized)

i try my best. i really do. i know it might not seem like it but i really do. and when your best is not good enough, it just makes a person feel worthless. exactly what i feel right now.  i noticed  that i have a problem. i absolutely lack will power.  sure i say i’m going to do this and that but the thing is, i’ve never followed through with any of my ideas for self betterment. its as if i feel its enough to just promise myself something. and its not. its not enough. i also realise that you have to work hard to get something but then, i’ve never really taken that seriously. even after writing all this, i know that i’ll just go back to my old routine. its pathological i guess. only after coming to this place i’ve realised that i’m the kind of person who needs to be constantly pushed if i’m going to do anything. thinking back, i used to hate the way my mother used to keep nagging me. how ironic that my mother knew me better than i knew myself even then. i guess she just got it that i’m that kind of a person. now i actually miss all the nagging. at least things would get done. i guess thats what got me through my schooling years and that is what was missing during my time at matriculation and my time here as an undergrad. so in essence, i guess what i’m saying is, i need my mother to be here.

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